Me!

It is funny how things happen.  When Davis decided to pursue the English Channel we decided that the year following would be mine.  Excited about "my year,"  as soon as we returned home from England I enrolled in a painting class and a yoga teacher training.  While I loved the painting class I came to resent the yoga teacher training.  Davis was wonderful at supporting me - suggesting that the training was difficult because it was all day and we had a six week old baby and our Rocket.  In the end I stopped the training.  Not because of Henni or Oliver, but because I just didn't like it; I love yoga, but the training program I enrolled in just wasn't a good fit.  At the same time people kept asking what my thing was - given Davis and his swimming.  And then, for good measure, my contract at HBS ended and I found myself unemployed.  For a spell the year of me was seeming pretty, well, depressing.  It was, in fact, one year ago today (coincidentally) that I posted about being terrified about my job coming to an end and becoming a stay at home mom. 

Seven months into my year I decided to call it. I completed four paintings (and loved every minute of it) and I tried what I thought was me (yoga teacher training) and learned, via the year of me, that it wasn't for me.  So in my "year" I didn't swim thirty-two miles in the cold, rough ocean, but I did discover some things.  Chin up, I quit my year and half-heartily called it a success (while at the same time in tears, feeling like a failure and petrified about the future).

So here we are one year after I quit.  I recognize that the last 12 months don't align with the Chinese calendar, but it must align with some calendar other than our own.  And it must have been the year of the ninja or something equally as sneaky; the last twelve months ended up being mine.  Unemployment, which was so scary, ended up being a giftOver the last twelve months I had the freedom to explore being a stay at home mom with zero (as in zilch, none, nothing) childcare, being a stay at home mom with a wee bit of help, explore starting my own organization, peruse various jobs, and work for some incredible people via several short term contracts.  I learned that I love my children (okay, I knew that bit already), but that I can not be with them 24 hours a day (since we co-sleep and shower together  I really was with Henni for 24 hours a day for six months and Oliver for pretty damn close to that).  In short I learned I needed some time for me; some time alone (even if alone was at the grocery store surrounded by tons of people). I also learned I like to work and that I am, when it comes down to it, a nerd.

On Monday I started a new job.  I am working as a business development manager for an incredible company which is focused on connecting families with chronically ill children with information and resources.  Just an hour into my new job I felt as though I had just slipped on a comfortable pair of old shoes- a component of my position is research and - well, as it turns out, I just love research.

And on Wednesday I became a Board member of an incredible organization - an organization which provides housing to homeless families. 

This past year has been so amazing - an amazing gift to be able to spend so much time with Oliver and Henni.  And time to focus (although at the time I had no idea I was focusing) on what I want to do; what makes me happy.  This next year will, inevitably, have ups and downs, but I am so excited to see what is ahead.  I feel as though I have a renewed outlook on our life and all its fun and challenges. 

One big challenge ahead...weaning Henni.  Henni seems to have read everything about weaning and developed plans to thwart all suggestions.  Last night David went so far as to promise Oliver a trip ti China so he could eat fried scorpions  in exchange for convincing Henni to stop nursing.  I jumped in
(remember learning to ride a bike with out training wheels...) and managed to shift the bribe to a visit to the San Diego Zoo.  Oliver has been putting in a good effort, telling Henni that "she needs more protein."  I hope Oliver can convince her...