Soap Box

I have to start out by saying I am totally unqualified to pull out my soap box, jump on top and start yelling - but hey, I am going to do it anyway.

When I saw Time magazine's cover with a woman breast feeding her 3 year old and the question: "Are you mom enough?," I was appalled.  I was not upset or shocked by the sight of a woman breast feeding her child, nor was I upset that the child she was breast feeding 3 years old - what I was upset by was the question - "Are you mom enough?" and the insinuation that breast feeding a 3 year old is what it takes to be good mom.

Full disclosure here:

1)  My children sleep in my bed.  I carried my children around in a sling, wrap, or whatever else I could -- for as long as possible (because containing them is much easier than having them run willy nilly reeking havoc on the house, the neighborhood...).  I am not an advocate of sleep training.  I breast fed Oliver until he was 22 months and I am currently breast feeding Henni (18 months).  I have never used formula.  I took the Time quiz and learned I was I Dr. Sears devotee (note: I do not own any book written by Dr. Sears nor have I ever).

2) I have only seen the magazine cover and have only read a number of op-eds on the cover photo -- I have not read the article as I have not had a moment to go and grab a copy of the magazine.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way and have noted that I am totally not qualified to be on my soap box...I believe the cover does a disservice to all moms (and dads).  I believe the cover paints parents as failures.  Being a parent is tough work.  You get married (or not) and have have a child.  A child changes your life -- so much more than one could ever imagine -- you have to redefine your relationship with your partner, your friends, your extended family, and even yourself.  Then there is that whole work-life craziness -- trying to balance work and family.  And then there is the whole money thing, the whole sleep thing, the whole...did I mention a child changes everything?  So there you are - everything has changed and you have to make it to the end of the day and through the night (parenting is a 24 hour job, not a 9-5er).  You have to laugh, smile, kiss your child(ren), kiss your partner - you have to be happy - you have to figure out how to incorporate a new life into your life.  How to do this is different for every family - for every person.

Being a good parent doesn't have to mean breast feeding until 3, 4, 5...  It doesn't have to mean quitting a job to stay home.  Being a good parent means loving your child.  It means giving hugs and kisses whenever possible.  It means supporting your child's dreams, reading books, snuggling...it means being there.  It means being happy together, it means loving each other.  Setting bars - such as breast feeding until a certain age - is a disservice to parents as it tries to quantify the unquantifiable.  Using breast feeding as a bar also ostracizes many families such as adoptive families and some same-sex couples.  To discount these families is just plain wrong (I was trying to think of a nicer way to say this, but I just can't).

I have been a parent for less than 4 years.  I am inexperienced.  I have no idea what I am doing -- I gauge my days by: 1) Is everyone alive? 2) Was everyone happy the majority of the day? 3) Did everyone have fun most of the day? 4) Do I still have a good portion of my hair? 5) Did I purchase a plane ticket to Costa Rica?  Given that these are my measures of success,  I know for sure I am not qualified to look at another parent and judge them.  As for  Time, I don't think it is in the position to outline what is "enough" and "not enough."

Off my soap box.