Christmas is coming...

Bubbling over with the Christmas spirit and interested in the claims that a little elf can transform devils to angels - I ordered the Elf on the Shelf.  While waiting the two days for said elf to arrive I stalked Pinterest and other sites looking for crazy things for the elf to do.  In my search for elf magic I came across a wonderful blog post about "Over achieving elf on the self mommies."  In the post the mom questions why those over achieving moms do crazy things with the elf like having the elf tear open a feather pillow and cover the house with feathers, or why a mom would have an elf un-decorate the Christmas tree (when it would be the mom who would later have to redecorate).  She also talked about how she referred to the elf as a little bastard...I laughed at post, made note to make all crazy elf adventures clean ones, and then waited for diapers.com to deliver the little guy.

Well the bastard is here.  He has not produced any angels.  Oliver and Henni like to find him in the morning (after they open their Playmobil advent calendars) and then they forget about him.  I will remind them of the elf when they are being insane.  Oliver consistently responds by asking how something that is not interactive can communicate with Santa.  Henni just yells elf and then spits (her new trick).  I try to come up with magical stories about the elf, but they just look at me like I am insane (and then spit).  So now I do curse the bastard- every night.  I finish the million things I try to do after the kids go to bed, wade through the chaos that is the house (unfortunately decluttering has not been one of the things I have gotten to), and then make my way into the bed, pushing aside kids, books, dolls, dragons...put my head down, start to fall asleep...jolt straight up!  That damn elf! I forgot to move him.  Yes, I am supposed to be up at 5:30 to go to the gym, but what if I sleep in?  Or forget?  (I did have to leave the gym to move the stupid elf one morning).  So I get out of bed, move the elf - and then try to find a spot in the bed again.

Since the elf has not produced angels, I have two BASE jumpers in the house.  I have managed to finagled the really dangerous rope Oliver was using to belay himself up and down the walls, windows, and bookshelves, but have not managed to dissuade the little ones from putting on fake parachutes, helmets, and jumping off anything and everything.  Davis has told them they need to yell "See ya!"  before they jump.  So the Christmas music I have on is drowned out by crashing furniture, toys and plants, the sound of children jumping to the ground from too tall heights, and little voices screaming "See ya!"

Our poor, unsuspecting neighbor came by to decorate cookies with us.  Thankfully she does not yet have children and is essentially Martha Stewart.  I whipped up dough to make cookies, and brought it out - not realizing that the dough needed to be refrigerated for 4 hours.  Vanessa saved the day by coming with dough that had already been refrigerated.  The kids sat for about 2.5 seconds and decorated cookies with her.  The headed off to perform their stunts - once again.  The elf, that little guy just lurked in the background.