A couple of those days

Jess and I were talking on Wednesday when she dropped off Oliver. She was saying how well behaved Oliver is - how he always holds her hand wherever they go, how he sits nicely with a napkin in his lap while he eats, how he always says please and thank you - and how happy we must be that he's doing all of this. I just laughed. While we have been working on this behavior it is not too often that we actually see it. Case in point the last 24 hours -

Oliver knows when I am weak - for example, when I am going to the bathroom (which is about every five minutes at this point), driving, or am on the ground and he is high up on the playground. Oliver chooses these moments to be his absolute craziest. Let's begin with yesterday.

Oliver and I are taking our morning shower and I get out to go to the bathroom. I am out about two seconds and when I get back in I find that Oliver has pooped and has covered the floor of the shower in poop. Wonderful. Later in the day we are driving down the highway singing "Old MacDonald." We've cycled through ducks, pigs, and cows and I ask Oliver what else is on the farm. He responds by saying stinky duck poop. Well, yes, I am sure there is stinky duck poop on the farm. As we are discussing the stinky duck poop there is sudden silence from the back seat and then I hear "I mommy," a lot closer than I should have. Somehow Oliver has managed to un-clip the top clip on his car seat and has wiggled around and is almost out of his seat. Terrified I pull off the highway and re-strap Oliver in so tightly that the poor guy had marks on him from the straps for hours.

Later in the evening, as I am getting Oliver a snack he comes up to me, smiles and reaches his hands down into his diaper and then announced to me that he is feeling his poop and that it is now on his fingers. Crap (literally).

We have cleaners that come once every couple weeks and Oliver knows the day they come and, rather than let me bask in the joy of a clean house, he decides that he needs to get things back to messy. This time, after the cleaners left he waited until I went to the bathroom and decorated the fridge with orange crayon and the kitchen floor with baking powder. While I was cleaning that up he managed to decorate the molding in his playroom with back crayon.

During dinner Oliver introduced us to something new - a rice "waterfall." What is a rice waterfall? It is mouthful upon mouthful of rice sprayed all over the floor (let me tell you, Oliver can spray rice much further than one can imagine).

Let's move on to today. Today Oliver and I decided we'd head to the mall to do a quick errand while it was raining. I gave Oliver a granola bar to eat on the way down. We get to the mall and what do I find when I go to get him out of his car seat? A little boy who is smeared, from head to toe in chocolate - the granola bar had had mini chocolate chips in it and he had taken out the chips and smeared them all over himself. After I got him relatively clean we headed into the mall.

At the mall the only thing I had to do was make a return. I am standing there, swiping my card at the register and Oliver, quick as lightening, breaks loose and proceeds to clean off two tables of clothes (mind you the store had literally opened two minutes prior so the woman there had just finished making everything perfect). We apologized and left - quickly. By this point I desperately have to go to the bathroom. After a couple rides up and down the escalator we manage to make it to the bathroom. As I am going to the bathroom Oliver dives onto the floor and proceeds to crawl through several stalls. I am helpless and disgusted.



Two, wonderful two.